Why this year I'm not making the typical new years resolutions

Hello, 2019

Reading the title for this post you're probably thinking girl, you're still thinking up your New Year's resolutions when we're halfway through the month? (hang on, halfway through the month??! shit we are) but let's be real we all know the first two weeks into January are a write off- at least if you're like me anyway. I take my hat off to you if you're one to get stuck right into your resolutions from the get-go, honestly I salute you. 

But for me, chances are I haven't even eaten half of my Christmas chocolate yet (I haven't) and I'm still stuck in limbo between holiday mode and giving myself a good 2019 glow up (that's for sure)

This year I'm a little behind I'll be honest. I'm easing myself into 2019 instead of throwing myself in head first like I have done for the past 4 years. I barely take a breath in January usually because I'm up to my neck with deadlines the first week back to university. So my resolutions would automatically turn to goals for the summer, places I wanted to travel, things I wanted to complete- like my degree, or huge goals that just seemed to go hand in hand with my life at the time. Don't get me wrong some goals were small but this year my diary is just a full blank page, a plain white empty space waiting, just waiting for something, anything.
For the first time in my life, this is the year I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing, job wise, life wise hell I don't even know what day it is just lately. I don't need to explain this part if you've been reading my blog the past few months but this is the first year of my life I feel so lost.

Somehow I can't bring myself to make those big resolutions I used to and that's not just because I don't have the dollar. Which feels very familiar to the feeling of asking for presents for birthdays or Christmas as a child. The younger you are the more you desire, the bigger and better presents you can brag to you're friends about at school the better. But as you grow up you tend to need less or want less, which honestly writing this sounds depressing but as you age (I'm sounding like Bella from Twilight here) you just desire the things more important to you, the things that don't cost a lot but mean a lot, or the things you need and can't be bothered to buy. (looking at you socks- which funnily enough is something I always need but never get at Christmas, but anyway we're going off on a tangent here)

This is the first year I'm not tied down to anything, I can be who I want to be. I like to think 2019 is the year I finally realise who I am and what I want. Perhaps this year is the new year, new me? Though I think we have collectively come to the solid conclusion that, that is no longer a thing anymore because let's be real most of us will most likely be the same person we always are and we're not apologising for it anytime soon.
But as a human being, we should always be open to learning to grow as a better person and this year right now I want my life to be about that, my goals feel small and I'm okay with that.

And shouldn't that be what life is about, not to get deep here but life isn't just about the big successes or the big goals, it's the small ones too. Life is all about the small stuff, sometimes they are the most important things to be celebrated, the little victories we don't shout about but know we've done and feel 10x better for. That is what I want my year to be about, and if in the meantime I complete some bigger goals in the long run, like finding my dream job, or I don't know buying a place (nope never going to happen this year) then that'll be amazing too but sometimes you have to find yourself going back to the basics so without further ado I'm going to get into my little goals and resolutions for the year.

Stop leaving messages on 'read'

(I'll apologise to my friends first if you're reading this one) If you know or speak to me often, you'll know I am AWFUL when it comes to responding to messages straight away. I'm the same when it comes to emails. You best believe I open the message- come on it's 2019 we all read the message. But then when it comes to replying well, that's a different story. It's not that I don't want to it's more I forget, I completely forget. I've read a message in the past then left it open for days on end before thinking SHIT I never replied. I read a message the other day I'd took a whole month to reply to all because I read it one minute and the next completely forgot about it. And it's made me miss out a few times especially when it comes to press emails I'll reply weeks later when the collaboration has already happened or has already been launched which really I only have myself to blame. Instead, I couldn't care if I seem eager I want to make more of an effort to reply faster and be more up on communication. I'm not saying it's going to stick but I'm going to try. 

Start reading more 

I feel like this resolution leans ever so slightly to the more one of the cliched resolutions people typically make every year but then find themselves halfway through a book mid-month thinking, meh this is never going to happen is it? And yes, that is me most years, but this year I feel collectively like we are wanting to disconnect more from the world and it's demanding needs and simply get lost in a book instead. Man, at times I do. I'd rather reach for a book rather than my phone for a change.
 I've had the urge to pick up a book for some time now to find some solace in just taking some time for myself and feeling great pride after I put the book down. 

Which I hope in hand I hope will help me to Become a better writer 
Something that I'm always continuously pushing to become better at. Not only is it something I love doing as a hobby and for my blog but something that I'd love to eventually push as a career, or part of a career. I'd love to reach the point where I'm really proud of not only the way I write but what it is I write about and to do that I think reading will help me gain my direction about who I want to be as a writer. 

Keep up my fitness 

I spoke back in my 2018 in review post about starting to exercise and work out more last year and for the first time in my life, I actually stuck to it. Still into this year, I'm continuing to do so and it's something I actually enjoy doing so I want to keep improving on it and pushing myself further to improve. I can go for weeks thinking it's not working, my body isn't changing to then catch a glance of myself in the mirror and think, bloody hell this is actually paying off and do you know what it's a very good a feeling. I'd love to go away on holiday and really love my body for the first time. Though I said no big goals (holiday being one of them) I can at least have wishful thinking. 

To not pre-judge (especially before watching things)

Okay so in 2018 I watched some of the best things I think I've ever watched in my life (not to be dramatic or anything) and I noticed that in turn, my tastes have changed. It made me think that I could have discovered these things a long time ago if I hadn't been so stuck in my ways, judging every book by its cover.
Last year I watched Miss Congeniality having not watched it since I was younger, it used to be one of my favourite films but instead found myself turning it off- not even halfway through because is it me or was it SO sexist?? Which made me realise as I've grown up, the world has too woke up and we have become more educated on things and that has also affected my tastes. Not to say I don't still love a good chick flick every now and again but now I'd much rather pick Daredevil at the moment over say Unbreakable Kimmy Shmidt. In 2019 I want to discover more tv series I used to turn a blind eye to and watch more films without asking who's in it? I want to sit back and simply press play. 

To give myself more me time 

Thinking about it, there hasn't been a day at least in the past few months where I haven't done anything at all, had a bath, put on a face mask and simply just chilled the F out. I am always thinking about the next thing, the next thing I need to do or guilt-tripping myself into doing something instead of just doing nothing. I'll even write blog posts in the bath just because I feel like I'm being lazy and that in itself is toxic. I mean life constantly demands, things always need doing but I'd rather set aside days to just work and an odd day to just spend doing nothing. I think it motivates you as a person and allows you to recharge your batteries. Hell, this year is about taking care of number 1 you know?? 

Mind my own business when it comes to other peoples lives

I'm going to take this opportunity to blame my star sign again (I mean I haven't done that for a while on my blog have I?) I like to think I'm a carer, as a cancarian I care about my family I care about peoples best interests and dish out advice as and when I think they need it but in fact it's not always what someone needs. Something I've learnt over the past year is that if someone wants to do something, they will do it and I have no right to stand in their way. You like to think as a person you can help by getting involved in peoples lives but actually, sometimes it's best to stand on the guidelines and instead help when it is asked for. 

Shoot the content I want without having to explain it

This is something I think I've briefly mentioned a few times over the past few blog posts, something I've been actively doing towards the end of the year and that is, creating content I want to create. For a long time, I got caught up on the things I thought people wanted to see from me, and I guess in some ways some people still do want to see them. But creating the things people expect from me, for me just doesn't bring me any joy. I spoke about wanting to fall in love with being a creative again and this year I want to even more so. I want to be proud of the things I put out there and create things that I don't have to explain. Not putting an outfit of the day post on Instagram because it's Monday and talking about 'Monday motivation' or wave my arms in the air on a picture because Friday vibezz. I want to just create and not have to answer for it.

To enjoy the small things more 

Again, I guess this is another slightly cliche one. But one I think should always be somewhere in our mind. It sounds silly but I stood the other morning choosing what to wear and saw a bird on the top of the houses in the distance and I just thought how nice it is we have birds in the world, they're something we don't tend to notice every day but serve a purpose in being there. As it gets light in the morning or ever so faintly at night hearing the birds just reminds you of the small things. That might just be me, or you're thinking 'do you have a glass of wine in your hand right now whilst writing this Paige?' (as a matter of fact I do) but it's something that to me makes think about how nice the small things are honestly not just the wine talking, I've only had one glass.

And finally, create some of my favourite blog posts 

Blogging might be dying and do you know, I don't care because I still adore it like the second I started a blog. It still brings me joy to know people read it and still brings me joy to write it. I want to look back at the end of the year and think 'ah I loved that post, I loved writing that' or 'god remember when I did that?'

This year is going to be a tough one I know, but it's one of those times I think ahead and think what will things be like in 5 months time? Will I be reading my posts back thinking 'hun why were you worrying so much about your future' or thinking 'well would you look at that, that certainly didn't turn out the way you thought it would did it?' And you know I can't wait for that time to come. But until then, the now is for me. And for those that have made it this far to the end of the post, take some time for yourself too this year. Grow, change and adapt to the changes in the year and come out the end of the year a more stronger person. Make mistakes and make them again we're only human.

Happy New Year

What's your opinion?

@paige rhianne_